I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
