Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
