just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
