This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
