But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
