he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
