How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
