So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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