I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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