remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize