i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
