My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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