It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
