At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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