she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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