I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
