His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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