I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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