worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
