you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
