apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's always time for handjobs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
