This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
