she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
