New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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