My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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