I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Vodka?
Forever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
