she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
