I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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