i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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