just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
