I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
