Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
