Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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