The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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