Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
