Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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