I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
