Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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