Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
