so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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