I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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