He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
