I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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