i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
