Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
