Who wears a wallet chain?!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize