i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize