he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
