Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize