Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
