Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
