Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
