Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
