I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
