like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
