I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
