I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
