bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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