Acid is not a monday night drug
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
