just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
