WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
