You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is Oprah even human
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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