I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
