Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
