I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just googled if crying burns calories
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
