I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
