He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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