So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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