Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
